On Dating

In recent weeks, and a few months after my relationship officially ended, I made the decision to put myself back out into that mess people call dating. It's been almost 10 years since I've been out there, and frankly, and at 51, and not thinking I'd find myself out there ever again, it's a bit scary. But it's also fun, exciting, and definitely a good thing.

I remember a time when the only phones were ones that hung on the wall, or were called "Princess" phones. (Yes, Princess phones). It used to cost money to call anywhere outside of your local calling area. Computers were very expensive, and even the slowest of internet connectivity was expensive and not widely available. The internet of those days wasn't nearly as robust as it is today. Dating sites existed, but were very crude by todays standards.

In a short 10 years, technology has made some amazing advances, the cost of technology has fallen dramatically, and technology has become a staple. Internet connectivity is as common as electricity, and internet devices - phones and computers - as common as water. Making a phone call no longer requires that you be at home and a call across the country costs the same as a call to your next door neighbor, calls to the other side of the world only a few cents per minute. But wait! I don't need to call, really, I can just send a text message!

So what's any of that have to do with dating?

Well, there was a time when the only way you met someone was to actually stand in front of them, shook hands and introduced yourself. You might have stood around and had an actual conversation before you went home, but before you hopped in bed, you didn't know if they were top or bottom or how big their dick was. You figured all that out when you got back to where you were going, and somehow it always worked out.

Today, dating is completely different. I'm sure there are some who still prefer that old fashioned method. I was never good in bars or social settings, its always been difficult for me to walk up to a complete stranger and say "Hi". There's something beautifully efficient about finding a potential mate from the comfort of my sofa. I can read a profile and get all those important anatomical statistics before I ever leave the house. I have the entire world's gay population right there on my iPhone, and I can carry them everywhere I go. Wow.

All of this technology has made the world a much smaller place. I can 'meet' men anywhere in the world. We can share pictures of one another, we can discuss our likes and dislikes (in and out of bed). We can, at some level, get to know each other. If things progress, we can talk on the phone. Now add in Facebook. We friend each other, and from their posts and pictures, I can begin to learn about bit about who they are what makes them tick (or at least make some assumptions about those things). Where is gets really odd is that through this process, I can actually begin to develop some feelings for the person on my screen without ever actually seeing or touching them.

The non-verbal communication has also made us less shy. It's far easier to ask the hard questions via a text message than to look your potential mate in the eye and ask. It's far easier to hit on the the hottest guy on Manhunt by just clicking 'unlock' than it is to actually walk up to him in the bar and offer a hand.

Now I'm not saying that I run out and by rings for guys that I meet on the internet, and I'm not making any judgement as to whether this whole paradigm shift is good or bad. I could make arguments on either side. I'm just saying it's strange.

What might be most ironic about it all is that after my new friend and I have seen pictures of each others dicks, talked about our medical history, about who's going to get fucked first and in what position, about who's gonna pee on whom, and we've both made it through the other's interview process and finally meet in the flesh, that I still get tongue tied and maybe even a little giggly around a guy that I'm attracted to.