On Dating

In recent weeks, and a few months after my relationship officially ended, I made the decision to put myself back out into that mess people call dating. It's been almost 10 years since I've been out there, and frankly, and at 51, and not thinking I'd find myself out there ever again, it's a bit scary. But it's also fun, exciting, and definitely a good thing.

I remember a time when the only phones were ones that hung on the wall, or were called "Princess" phones. (Yes, Princess phones). It used to cost money to call anywhere outside of your local calling area. Computers were very expensive, and even the slowest of internet connectivity was expensive and not widely available. The internet of those days wasn't nearly as robust as it is today. Dating sites existed, but were very crude by todays standards.

In a short 10 years, technology has made some amazing advances, the cost of technology has fallen dramatically, and technology has become a staple. Internet connectivity is as common as electricity, and internet devices - phones and computers - as common as water. Making a phone call no longer requires that you be at home and a call across the country costs the same as a call to your next door neighbor, calls to the other side of the world only a few cents per minute. But wait! I don't need to call, really, I can just send a text message!

So what's any of that have to do with dating?

Well, there was a time when the only way you met someone was to actually stand in front of them, shook hands and introduced yourself. You might have stood around and had an actual conversation before you went home, but before you hopped in bed, you didn't know if they were top or bottom or how big their dick was. You figured all that out when you got back to where you were going, and somehow it always worked out.

Today, dating is completely different. I'm sure there are some who still prefer that old fashioned method. I was never good in bars or social settings, its always been difficult for me to walk up to a complete stranger and say "Hi". There's something beautifully efficient about finding a potential mate from the comfort of my sofa. I can read a profile and get all those important anatomical statistics before I ever leave the house. I have the entire world's gay population right there on my iPhone, and I can carry them everywhere I go. Wow.

All of this technology has made the world a much smaller place. I can 'meet' men anywhere in the world. We can share pictures of one another, we can discuss our likes and dislikes (in and out of bed). We can, at some level, get to know each other. If things progress, we can talk on the phone. Now add in Facebook. We friend each other, and from their posts and pictures, I can begin to learn about bit about who they are what makes them tick (or at least make some assumptions about those things). Where is gets really odd is that through this process, I can actually begin to develop some feelings for the person on my screen without ever actually seeing or touching them.

The non-verbal communication has also made us less shy. It's far easier to ask the hard questions via a text message than to look your potential mate in the eye and ask. It's far easier to hit on the the hottest guy on Manhunt by just clicking 'unlock' than it is to actually walk up to him in the bar and offer a hand.

Now I'm not saying that I run out and by rings for guys that I meet on the internet, and I'm not making any judgement as to whether this whole paradigm shift is good or bad. I could make arguments on either side. I'm just saying it's strange.

What might be most ironic about it all is that after my new friend and I have seen pictures of each others dicks, talked about our medical history, about who's going to get fucked first and in what position, about who's gonna pee on whom, and we've both made it through the other's interview process and finally meet in the flesh, that I still get tongue tied and maybe even a little giggly around a guy that I'm attracted to.

A List of Firsts

While I've got a few more of the other kind of firsts I'll be writing about, I wanted to write about this past weekend. These firsts are not of the carnal kind, but everything doesn't have to be about that.

I joined a group of campers this weekend for a trip to Pigeon Mountain. I haven't camped since my father pitched that pup tent in our backyard in mid-1960s. I might not be 100% right to call this camping trip a first, but I'm going to anyway. It would be fair to say that this was my first REAL camping trip.

There was a group of 5 of us. I knew 2, and met the organizer and his partner there. All of us arrived on Friday. By design, my phone battery was nearly dead, I shut off my work phone deliberately around 4pm. The only high tech equipment I had with me was a couple of digital cameras.

The first big first was on Saturday. The group of us hiked a trail to Rock Town. I saw some of the most fascinating and beautiful rock formations I'd ever seen. I learned that that part of North Georgia was at one time a coastline. Those rocks formed underwater. We found a rock suitable for climbing, and the group leader set us up to climb, gave us instruction, and let us go. I managed to scale my first rock, it was a climb of about 20'. It took me a few tries, but I made it up. It was great. My first rock climb.
That's not me, but it is the rock. The ass is pretty nice too.

On the way to Rock Town, we encountered a rattle snake. Thankfully, I wasn't the first person in the group, I would have stepped on it. It was stopped on the trail about 3 feet in front of us. The snake was about 2-2 1/2 feet long, and brown, grey and black in kind of a herringbone pattern. I think we startled it, it pulled back a bit like it was going to strike, it's rattle sounding an eerie and steady tone. After a minute or so, it moved across the trail back into the leaves in one of the most smooth and graceful motions I've ever seen, giving us it's permission to pass. It was the first time I'd seen a rattle snake.

On Sunday, after packing up for the trip back home, 3 of us headed off to Pettyjohn's Cave, maybe 5 miles from the campsite. I was a little nervous about this part of the trip, but now know I would have regretted not going. It was a short hike to the mouth of the cave. We geared up (helmet and headlights), and descended into a small, nondescript hole surrounded by boulders. All of the rock floor was very smooth, polished by centuries of use and covered with a layer of mud. In hiking boots, my footing was uneasy. The entrance opened up into a larger cavern. The cave floor was essentially piles of rock that had fallen over the years. Not small rocks, but large boulders. The cave had a flat ceiling, and nearly 90 degree angles where the walls started. We treked into the cave a bit. I got to a point where I wasn't confortable going further, my friends went just a bit further before deciding to come back. My first stalagtite, my first stalagmite, my first real bats, my first time in a cave.

At night, before going to sleep, I listened for the first time to the symphony of the wildlife. Bullfrogs and their honking bass in sometimes and almost perfect unison and sometimes in and almost perfect challenge/response as if they were communicating with each other. There were creatures that sounded like a banjo. The insects and birds provided the soprano voices. An occasional coyote howl brought in the alto. There were sounds I'd never heard, from animals I've never seen that filled in the tenor. When the sun came up, the birds added their voices. It's random harmonies were beautiful.

The list of firsts goes on - my first time sleeping on the hard ground because the air mattress leaked; my first time sitting perfectly quiet, staring at nothing, and absolutely loving it; the first time I wasn't terrified by a spider; the first time a 2+ hour drive went by too fast.

I almost started the trip with a fear of the unknown, but put it into my head that I needed to just let go, and absorb and enjoy every second of it. There was no bad part of the entire weekend. I loved it all...

Realization

I started this post 2 weeks ago, and never finished it.

In all my previous sexual experience, I'm realizing that I put things into boxes and forced myself to live by predefined roles. The top fucked the bottom, and the bottom serviced the top. Those definitions created some vague but serious boundaries. Versatility was there, but once the roles between me and my sexual partner were defined, they seemed to not change.

In these new experiences, the top and bottom roles seem to be a bit reversed. Whether or not there's release, the top is there to service the bottom, and the bottom is there to be serviced. That's not to say that those traditional roles don't have a place too, but they're not nearly as clearly black and white.

I've had the opportunity to be both a total top and a total bottom over the last 3 weeks. This new life is about pushing limits but respecting them at the same time, or setting limits and trusting that they'll be respected. Respect and trust become the most important aspect of every scene.

As the bottom, I have to rely on my top to push my limits and I have to allow them to be pushed, yet speak up when that limit is reached. Theoretically, if I'm going to get off, my top is going to have to somehow make sure that I do; I'm going to be incapacitated. As a bottom in this place, I have to expect that my top is getting significant fulfillment from the experience.

As the top, I am taking control of my bottom. Now it's my bottom that is incapacitated and not able to do anything for himself. It's my job to make him happy, and to get him off. In my old world, I tended to focus on the bottom more than myself. While it was me fucking him, my priority was bringing him to climax, then focusing on myself. That old tendency not only carries forward easily, but is expected I think.

As a bottom, I've been open to new experiences and my tops have helped me experience them. I think they're making me walk when I want to run really, really fast. They exhibit genuine concern for my well being. They are teaching me how to respect others when I assume the other role. They are teaching me to trust. Those elements alone are what has made the larger experience so fulfilling.

As a top, I realize now that the only limits I really pushed were my own. But that was only one experience with a person I hope to have more with. That same need to walk rather than run is still there. I can't do everything in one night, nor do I want to or should I. It's critically important that the bottom trust me. I don't think I would have done anything any differently than I did, and I think the experience was a good one for both of us.

I know that because of my limited experience I'm writing from a very narrow point of view, and that the roles are very flexible with the concept of a selfish top just a real in this world as it is in the vanilla world.  But just as I was never really fond of a selfish top (or bottom) in that old world, I think I prefer to accept the roles as I see them today.

Or maybe I'm just crazy...

Less inexperienced

Another small group play party this weekend. There were 5 of us, 3 tops on 2 bottoms. I was one of the bottoms, the other was somebody that I've talked about in other posts. The 3 tops were also play buds.

Each of my experiences to this point has been something totally different. I'd have to describe this one as a bit more primal, and maybe a little less intimate. That shift in the dynamic made the experience very different, but not any less intense or erotic. Just different.

The night started with a team effort getting me into a rubber body suit. Getting me into it was a bit tough, talc helped, and ultimately I was slathered up in lube. Finally, the suit was zipped up in the back, and the hood pulled over my head. I moved to the play area and was told to lay as my stomach, where I was hogtied. I was left hogtied until given permission to try and get myself out of the tie. It took me a few minutes but I was able to free myself. When I stood up in the suit, I felt sweat from my body pour to my feet.

Shower and on to scene 2.

When I returned to the playroom, the other bottom was on his stomach, legs bound at the ankles and held up by a hook in the ceiling by a piece of rope and a chain, his arms bound behind his back in a body suit with an electro-stim butt plug in his ass.

Standing there naked, another top held up a strait jacket, and told me to get in it. I obeyed. I knew what was coming. We negotiated my position to take the butt plug and I got it in without too much effort. I flipped over onto my back, the leads were applied and attached to the machine, and it was turned on. All I can say about what came next is "FUCK"!

The machine pulsed electrical current through this butt plug in patterns. I think my favorite was a 'climbing' pattern. It would start out gently and increase gradually, then drop back, increasing again past the high point of the last cycle. There was also a 'wave' pattern that was just a gradual increase and decrease. I liked it a lot too. Both of us were connected to the same machine. The machine had a 'volume' control to increase the intensity of the pulses. If I'm on your Christmas list, you should take note.

 I lost sight of the fact that there was actually a butt plug in my ass, focusing only on the pulses. It wasn't like getting fucked really, but somehow it was better. I found myself riding the butt plug like it was a cock, pushing toward it like there was a man attached to it, trying to get it in deeper. The tops (I think they might have taken turns) would increase the 'volume' and change the patterns. It seemed like the pulse actions were somehow synchronized. It could swear that I could hear my co-bottom moaning to the pulses I was feeling, adding to the intensity of the entire effect.

The tops decided it was time for a break. The butt plugs came out, strait jacket removed.

When we got back to play, we were placed in sleep bags; me in a rubber one, my buddy in a leather one. My co-bottom and I swapped butt plugs (they'd been cleaned first).

The one that had been in me was a black device, with 2 electrodes, one running up each side along it's length. The other was an all metal device that I think grounded itself at the base, with the rest of it being the 2nd electrode. There was a good bit of difference in the way they felt when they were turned on. The first one was great, the other was even better. The all metal one was much more sensitive to my body movement, and gave a 'fuller' or 'larger' feeling. I wouldn't kick either of them out of bed.

We were left there for a while, with the tops at the controls. We jacked off for most of the time inside the sleep bags. I'm told that I hit the maximum intensity, I know I kept asking for more.

Break time again. Ate. Drank water and sat around for a few minutes. My body was drained. I felt like I'd been fucked to within an inch of my life. I wasn't able to keep up with the conversation, so I kinda just enjoyed the company and kept mostly quiet and smiled.

There were 2 more short scenes, but I'm not sure in what order they occurred.

My co-bottom wanted to get jerked off while he was doing pull ups. He and one of the tops tried to fashion a pull up bar out of chain, but they decided that chain wasn't stable enough; it twisted and was pretty hard on his hands, making it hard to keep a good grip. I think that evolved into the two of us being double gagged together while two of the tops played with us, and we played with each other.

It was definitely a fun night, one that I'd repeat in a minute.

That shift in the dynamic I mentioned earlier led me to a few conclusions about myself (other than that I like rubber and electro-stim butt plugs) and my place in all this. I'd rather have them in their own post I think, so they'll be coming soon.

Third time's a charm

I'm going to stop counting pretty soon, it doesn't serve any point, and it might give the impression that my playmates are just notches in the proverbial bedpost.

At the risk of repeating myself, I started writing here so that I could put all this new emotion out into the universe. I absolutely need an outlet for it. I also acknowledged that it can be something of a double-edged sword in that I have the potential to offend or negatively impact people. These writings, too, will serve as a way for me to go back and read how I've grown in this part of my life; how my likes, dislikes and limits, feelings and ideas have changed.

It occurred to me late Saturday morning as I was driving that there are things that I don't want to put into this universe; there are things that I want to keep. There were aspects of this last experience that touched me so deeply, that I want to keep them for myself. To reveal them in any sort of a public forum would somehow be like violating a bond that might exist, or just one that existed for a while, even if it only existed for a millisecond.

I had my first experience as a top this past Friday night. It was somebody that I've played with before. He is more experienced than I am, so I was a little nervous about how I'd do actually tying somebody, and then wasn't entirely sure what I'd do with him after.

We met for dinner, ate, and enjoyed some great conversation. Dinner lasted a couple of hours, and then we headed back to his place. I met his dogs, he showed me his house, gave me some history around it, showed me work he'd done in the place, showed me the back yard (as best he could in the dark), told me about plans he had for arranging his patio. Just the enjoyment of learning about him was incredible. Had the night ended there, I'd have left with a smile.

Part of the tour was seeing his collection of gear. The last piece of gear that came out was a medical immobilization device. The pieces are sleeves that are fitted around appendages (arms and legs), velcro'ed closed and then the air sucked out of them with a pump. The sleeves are filled with styrofoam or plastic beads; removing the air makes the sleeve very rigid. We came up with the idea of using 2 leg sleeves together to immobilize the torso; one covering the front of the body and the other covering the back. It worked well. We used a skull cap as a makeshift hood, and I bound him at the ankles. The shape and size of the devices only gave me access to his shoulders, upper chest and calves. I massaged those parts I could reach for a good while. In just those few limited places, I found some of the sexiest and most beautiful parts of a man's body that I guess I'd always missed before.

We decided to remove the immobilizers and try some rope. The pressure was on!

He was very patient with me, and I hope he knows how much I appreciate that. I did have the chance to try out my brand spankin' new 250' of 1/2 and 3/8" rope! We talked and laughed during the tying process, I tried to make sure I wasn't tying too tight, asking if he was comfortable, and asking him to provide guidance along the way. I think he has a reputation as something of an escape artist. He kept telling me my ties were good, and that he couldn't get out, so I think he was telling me the truth. I'd better not find out otherwise!

When I was done tying, the rope looked pretty good (I thought). We talked about taking pictures, but kinda got sidetracked. Somehow I think that interrupting the natural flow so that I could get a camera would have been a bad thing. There will be other opportunities for pictures. The session lasted a while, ending with the suggestion that we should maybe grab a snack.

I untied my friend, we enjoyed Rice Crispy Treats, Strawberry Newtons, ice water, and the company of his dogs before heading to bed. We slept (as best as I can remember, we were sleeping after all), intertwined in one another till about 10am Saturday morning.

I am purposefully leaving out significant detail, not because I don't think it's worth writing, but quite the contrary. It would be impossible express that detail without giving up those things that I want to keep for my own, and it turn violating that bond. It wasn't a wild fuck or anything even close. It was infinitely better than the wildest fuck you could imagine. Honestly, I'm not even sure I know words could adequately convey some of the things I felt.

I usually try not to say or guess what I think other people are thinking, mostly because I have no way of knowing for sure, and I really have no control over it. I can only express myself honestly in the ways I know how, and hope that others find that attractive. I, without question, felt a strong connection with this man on Friday night. I will go out on a limb and say that I think he may have felt a similar connection. There was no time during the night, that either of us seemed in a hurry to finish anything, nor did anything seem to go on too long. It all just worked perfectly.

If I had had the opportunity to create a wish list of how I'd have wanted that night to turn out, I couldn't have dreamed or imagined anything better.

Again, I bring no agenda or expectations to the table, but there remains absolutely no question that I want to learn more about this man, I want to learn from him. In time, maybe I'll have something to teach in return.

Bad Economics

I wanted to post earlier today, and it occurred to me that writing here can be something of a double-edged sword. I started this blog so that I might have a place to put my thoughts and experiences from this new world that I can't get enough of. While what I write is mostly anonymous, there are readers that know me. Those people, most of whom I've only known a short time, are nonetheless important to me. I hope to foster strong and long lasting relationships with them. It is they who might be offended or otherwise impacted by what I write; that would be a travesty. For that reason, I decided not to post. That was the right decision.

I had an opportunity tonight to talk to some of those people about what I would have written. Seizing that opportunity was another right decision. They cut right to the heart of the issue. I offer thanks.

The basis of any economy is trade. A product is manufactured and sold. When the product is not a good one, the economy it creates will, in time, destroy itself, taking with it those who participate it.

The economic system I'm talking about was in my head. There are 2 companies there. One of them manufactures a product, and the other buys it. Today both companies were operating at full capacity, paying overtime, operating in 3 shifts, preparing to launch an IPO to raise capital, build new factories, seeking extensions of credit to buy all of the product they could. The economy was flourishing. It was supply and demand at it's best. I was the the sole investor funding them with everything I had.

The problem was that the product is bullshit. One side of my brain was manufacturing all that it could and the other was buying it lock, stock and barrel.

The thing about bullshit is that it's just that - bullshit. Bullshit has no basis in reality. If allowed to, it will destroy my goals and dreams, it will make me believe things that are just flat out not true; things that have no basis in reality.

Thankfully, tonight, the economy fell. And it fell hard.

Here's to no bullshit!

Try it once, twice if it was fun

On Saturday night, I had the pleasure of dinner with A, D and L. Before dinner (which was really good), there were some tying lessons, the trying on of a strait jacket, a neoprene hood and a leather hood, and a gag. There's absolutely no question that I'm into this bondage thing. A lot. A whole lot. I also got flogged with a very light flogger. It actually felt kinda good.

After dinner, I was outfitted in a borrowed kilt (I want one of these) and pair of black Doc Martens, my harness and 2 arm bands. I don't say this often about myself, but I looked pretty good. A was dressed similarly, L in his Spartan outfit, and D in a suit with a fucking hot leather sport/suit jacket.

We arrived at 1763 just a few minutes after 9pm, bought our memberships, and D staked out or space, a room with a bench/bed, a hoist and a cage.

Tonight was L's night. This was a fantasy for him. He looked great in the costume and won the contest, earning a full year's membership to the club. I'll refer you to "loki's journey" for all the details, he's got them documented far better than I could. It was amazing to watch.

I was allowed to watch from the cage in a strait jacket. Later in the evening, I was placed in the cage on the hoist. What followed was one of the coolest things I've ever seen. (If you read "loki's journey", you know what's coming.)

Once in the cage, D used a set of 4' pvc poles placed strategically within the grid of the cage construction to immobilize me. As an indication of how much I like all this, I as D to move the poles around to make them tighter. The poles around my head needed to be under my ears, where they hit the base of my skull. The poles across my neck needed to be a little higher and a little tighter in the front and the back. D used a rope to tie the poles together and prevent them from moving almost at all. L added a blindfold and a rope gag. Somebody reached under the kilt, but there was a pole between my legs that prevented clear access.

D's idea for the poles is brilliant. Even the straight people were impressed.

Having seen L in the same position a few minutes earlier, I have to say that this was some of the most amazing imagery I've ever seen. It was surreal. At first look, it reminded me of the movie Hellraiser.

The night was amazing.

The event at 1763 is a monthly one, and is pan-sexual - everyone is welcome. Having women there was a bit unsettling, but it wasn't a bad thing. Just different. There are already many new different things going on in the typhoon, this one was the straw that broke the camel's erection. On the other side of it, there were a couple of hot straight guys. Maybe next month (HELL yes I wanna go back! (A, D & L, that's a hint)), I'll get up the nerve to watch as they're getting their bare asses flogged.

On a different level, there were a few questions answered for me this night:

First, I'm 99.99% gay.

Second is that I'm pretty sure my interests lie mostly in the bondage world. I had an opportunity to try tit clamps tonight. They were a bit uncomfortable, but I might give it another try. On the other hand, traditionally as a top, I've always wanted to do to my partner whatever he wanted to make him happy (within a few limits). I'm not sure why I would take a different position now.

Third is a bit more complicated. After my first experience, I wondered if I enjoyed the experience so much because of who I was bound with, or if it was the experience itself. That is, did I like being tied to the arch cage for the sake of being tied there, or did I like it only because my tall friend was there with me. I learned that I liked being tied up very, very much. That's not to say that he didn't have a role in the enjoyment or that I don't want more playtime with him, I'm only saying that I now know I have a place in this new world.

I made my first purchase of gear tonight. I am the proud owner of 200' of 3/8" twisted nylon rope. Volunteers?

Character Flaw

As an addict, part of my recovery process is to recognize my character flaws and work to remove them.

Early this morning, as I was thinking about getting out of bed, I remembered that there's something that's needed work for a long time - telling the people in my life that I appreciate them. It extends far beyond the 'scope' of this blog, but within it's context I offer some thanks.

A, D & L. A, this is all your fault. When's the next event? Thank you for the invitation (you too, D) Thanks for sitting with me and answering that list of stupid questions. There will be more. D, for your guidance, tying lessons, advice and patience. To the 3 of you, thank you for bringing me into your circle. I hope that I can continue to rely on you as a resource as I grow in all of this. There will be other questions, I want more tying lessons (that should be in large, bold, italic type), and I need bodies to tie on!

SB. You're becoming a good friend. I appreciate your offer to sit with me and talk about all this. I very much look forward to hearing another point of view.

R. I will certainly make it to the campground. You've come with awesome references. Thank you for the invitation and advice.

R & P. R, it was good to meet you last Sunday. I look forward to sitting with the 2 of you and learning.

My tall friend. Thank you for breaking the ice last week. Thank you for that smile. Thank you for helping to make those first experiences so amazing. I look forward to more of all that.

To all of you. I look forward to learning with and from every one of you. I look forward to getting to know all of you better. I very much look forward to experiences to come.

By no means is any of those lists exhaustive. If I missed a person or something you've done, it's just because you're swirling around in the typhoon in my brain and you're just not close to whatever connects my brain to my fingers as I type right now. Nor is that list in any specific order; you're all equally important to me in this journey.

I started this blog as a way to put this stuff out in the universe. I've never been a writer and for me, doing this makes me want to talk about it less to everyone I meet. But around this topic, there's a sharp contrast. I need to remember to express thanks and appreciation all the time, not just to those that have embraced me in this community, but to all the people in my life.

I will probably have another post coming later today. If 2 posts in a single day upsets the blog gods, I apologize.

A new world

One week ago today, I attended my first event.

I got an invitation from one of the hosts of a 25th anniversary party (25 years, awesome!), he told me where the party was, and what the 'theme' was. I told him I'd go, but would probably stay in the distance as just an observer. I was nervous. I was excited.

I've played before with handcuffs, blindfolds, some rough play, jocks, underwear, but never thought I'd find myself in a dungeon.

When I got there, there were maybe 20 guys. I knew about 5-6 of them. That set my mind at ease a little. Within the first 10 minutes, I'd been introduced to or introduced myself to the rest of the guys. I'm not sure who I thought would be there, but these guys all seemed pretty cool. Maybe if not for that stereotype I had, I'd have been here much sooner. I was dressed in a pair of Levis and a new leather harness.

The play started, guys moved off to pieces of equipment and began their scenes. Still nervous. More excited. My eyes probably got big a few times.

There were a couple of guys that caught my eye, and after a little while and some nervous cruising, I struck up a conversation with one of them. Well, maybe he struck up the conversation with me. I've never been good at the 'cruising' thing, and I sure didn't know what to say to this guy. He was in black latex and boots, and towered about 5" over me. The conversation was like any other, we talked about work, the weather, and life. We also talked about the dungeon; this was still all very new to me. I became less nervous, more excited, maybe starting to hope I'd get to try some of this.

While my new friend and I were talking, one of the hosts came and got us. Uh oh.

He walked us both to a device shaped as an arch, with padded rungs along it's circumference. (sorry, I'm sure it has a name, but I have no clue what it is yet) My friend give me a short explanation of how the thing works while the host walks off and gets some supplies. I decide I should probably go and relieve myself before whatever is going to happen does.

A few minutes later the host comes back with some rope, and I'm instructed to move to one side of the arch, stand on the first rung and lay face down. My new friend does the same on the other side. Our faces meet in the middle, about 4" apart. The way our heads positioned, our foreheads could touch lightly. We are instructed to put our hands up together (elbows at shoulder level, hands above our  heads. Our host and one other guy proceed to tie our forearms together and to secure them to the sides of this device.

My friend and I talked, traded recipes (kidding), apologized to one another for probably having bad breath - I'd smoked a cigarette, he'd eaten a protein bar. While we were tied down, guys would come by and rub our backs, grab our asses, nothing worthy of XXX porn, yet incredibly erotic. I got spanked, wasn't bad, wasn't good. After maybe 15-20 minutes, we were blindfolded.

Now I'm laying face to face with this man, but I can't see him. But I can hear him breathe. I can feel his breath on my face. I can hear when his head moves. I can hear every sound his latex makes when he moves. I can feel the warmth of his arms tied to mine. When guys come by and touch him, I can hear him moan, I can hear and 'feel' his body move. I expect he is having a similar experience. At one point, I told him I wanted to kiss him. Had I been able to reach, I would have. Time distorted, but I expect we were there blindfolded for another 20-30 minutes before being released. I remember that I didn't want it to end, but it wasn't over. The front of my pants was soaking wet.

We were led to a 'hoisting cube', a structure with two electric winches with a ceiling about 9 feet from the floor. The cube might have been 10' long and wide. There were eye hooks on the corner supporting beams, and the winch hooks came from the ceiling.

My friend and I were both outfitted with wrist cuffs. We were told to stand chest to chest. Our arms and ankles were bound together, and then our cuffs were attached to the winch hooks above. The ropes from our ankles were tied to 2 of the vertical supporting beams near the floor. So now, I'm so close to this man that I almost had no choice but to kiss him. I'm not sure if I was too scared or there wasn't enough time  before a double gag was placed in our mouths. The gag not only prevented us from speaking, but it also locked the movement of our heads. We could only move our eyes from side to side to see anything except each other.

We were hoisted a few inches off the floor, just to a point where our feet couldn't touch the ground. The suspension was amazing. I expected some strain on my shoulders but there was none. My friends cuffs were of a design that placed stress just on the outside of his hand at the base of his thumb, I think he was a bit more uncomfortable than I was because of that. We were raised and lowered several times.

At one point while we were bound, we pushed back and forth against each other. The ropes allowed us to pivot from a vertical position at our feet, so that we could rock. I remember hearing him laugh a little through the gag, I know I was smiling. The sensation of our bodies pushing against each other couldn't have been better.

While we were bound, and I don't remember if we were in the air or on the floor, my pants were unbuttoned and pulled down as far as they'd go (I now regret not removing them completely before setup started) and the front of my friends latex shorts were unsnapped. My eyes remained focused into his for almost the entire experience. My cock was rock hard and had come to rest under his balls, between his legs. His was to the side. Guys were sucking and jerking both of us. Now I could see his face and the expressions of pleasure. To the sides, I could see many of the guys just watching. Neither of us released. Again, distorted time, so maybe 15-20 minutes in the hoist before we were brought to the floor and unbound.

The day was drawing to a close.

I left the dungeon that day with a smile as wide as my face. In the days that followed, there was a rush of emotion. Guilt was not one of them. I trusted people to an extent that I've never trusted people before. More importantly, I might have had the most intimate experience with another human being that I've had in my life. The experience was one of the most erotic of my life.

I also left that day with a long, long list of questions. I've had the opportunity to sit and talk to one of the hosts about the whole experience, and to ask some of my questions. The other guys that I knew before the party have also offered to sit down and talk. I plan talk to all of them and learn their points of view.

I'm in this whole new world now, and just need to define my place in it.

As for my tall friend, we exchanged numbers and have talked and texted. While I have no agenda or expectations, I hope to learn a lot more about this guy.

Welcome

I decided to start writing about my experiences in a new world that I was introduced to on Sunday, April 3.

Just a few words about myself so that I might frame all of this for you as a reader: I tend to speak in generalities most of the time. I understand that my opinions are just that, but I'm entitled to them. I'm a Democrat, much further to the left than the right. I tend to thinks of Republicans as a selfish group. I think those Tea Party people are just morons. I'm an addict, an alcoholic with over 22 years in recovery. People should take care of each other. People all over the world have the same basic wants, desires and needs. I understand that there are many uneducated people in the world; they should shut up and listen.

I won't go into why, but I tend to speak my mind. Not in a negative way. I think it's important to let people in my life know that I care about them. Life is short. I may lose the opportunity if I wait too long.